my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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