I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
