Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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