There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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