I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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