just come out here and I will go home with you...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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