You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
