omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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