i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
