If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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