oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
