Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Houston, we have a squirter
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
