I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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