Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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