I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
There's even glitter on my cock...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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