I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
