drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
