What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
