dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
