My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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