At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
