So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
