I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
