Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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