Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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