hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my being single is dangerous.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
