I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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