why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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