Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
