I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
