Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This is my gift to your gina
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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