Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
