No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
