I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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