so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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