we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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