Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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