I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
