Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
