It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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