i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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