and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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