dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
