Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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