At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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