How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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