now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
