Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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