Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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