i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
