I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
